I haven’t posted for a while. There’s a simple reason for that: I’m lazy!
I’m lazier than just about anyone I meet. I like nothing more than to sit around all day and read crime novels, smoke, watch movies, and shoot the shit with old friends. Laziness is a luxury. Most people do not have the time to indulge themselves like I do.
More important than that, however, and especially important to those who are lucky enough to travel, is that that I have a room to which I can return if I wish. I’m fortunate to have a bedroom in the family home. This condition has granted me a tremendous freedom to teach abroad and travel with my backpack for extensive periods of time. I have no burdens except my own. The luxury of having a clean place to sleep far outweighs any other in my life and I can hardly quantify my gratefulness for it in words.
Nonetheless, I still deal with my mental health. I am medicated for depression. I’m not sure what caused it, but I have accepted it as part of me for awhile now. In truth this is my biggest strain. When you are depressed, you work to maintain a certain kind of neutrality, a mental balance. At times it can be a delicate balance, others it brings you to your knees. All you can do is manage it the best way in which you can.
I have written a sizable amount about traveling through Europe, the Middle East, North Africa, and Asia in the last year. I have since returned to fairfax, Virginia to reboot my weary system while Coronavirus continues spreading itself across the globe. I have seen its results in three separate countries now. While the virus has undoubtedly triggered that old prowling depression that’s lived around the block from me the last fifteen years, I have been using it as an excuse to avoid publishing anything. A pathetic weakness!
I watched the Michael Jordan documentary yesterday. There was a moment that struck me. Steve Kerr is discussing the fall of star athletes, declaring that the failure of athletes happens in the moment when they are worrying too much about failure. They become their own worst enemy by accident. I believe that many of us know from experience that fear of failure is a self-fulfilling prophecy. All the same, what struck me was Jordan’s response; when Steve Kerr voiced this to Jordan back in 1998, he replied, “why would I worry about a shot I haven’t taken?”
Jordan uttered a truth that I believe we all know on some level: it’s better to try and fail rather than to not try at all. I know from my own vantage that I’m guilty of this when it consists of sitting down at my computer, writing, editing, and publishing a piece. I fear it is not that good, as it is almost impossible to gauge one’s writing skills on their own. In fact this is a bad piece and I should be disappointed in it. Be that as it may, a blank page is worse than an incoherent paragraph.
I type out all of this as a reminder to myself, to keep publishing, to find the time and willpower to write something. Well, if you’ve made it this far, thank you.
Bird On the Wire 